A Shift into Motherhood

This morning I woke up noticing a significant change in my attitude toward motherhood. Previously when I thought about caring for a new person the rest of my life, I've had a sadness for the changes that are coming and what I'll have to give up.

The only experience I have to compare it to is the day before we got Satchel. It was a Sunday and Dave and I spontaneously decided to wake up and get donuts. I thought that this would be the last time we'll be able to do this so easily because puppies need certain things in the morning. I was sad.

But I never thought about it again after we brought Satchel home because of the joy and inspiration he brought to our lives. I know a lot of people hate when others compare raising their pets to having children, but I've always found it a valid point of view.

So this morning I woke up and thought about putting baby in the car and going to a restaurant (Corbett Fish House to be exact) and what joy or frustration an experience like that could be depending on baby's mood at the time.

For the first time I accepted it all, the good and the bad and didn't mourn or feel sorry for myself about the changes ahead. I feel extremely ready to meet this new person and love everything that he or she brings into my life.

Very Early Labor Signs?

Baby dropped a little more into my pelvis yesterday and suddenly grew, so now it feels like baby is taking up my entire uterus.

My shy baby didn't move much while Dan and Stacy visited last week and has been making up for it the last two days. Yesterday baby was bopping around like I've never seen or felt before. The right side of my uterus actually rose almost 2 inches with a booty movement!

Not sure if it was the dropping, the growth spurt or the movement, but last night I felt a constant ache in my uterus - not a contraction, but a continuous tightening. I also felt disconnected from my uterus, like it was leading my movements and not my own self. And I felt uncomfortable and spacey.

Knowing that discomfort and spaciness are sometimes very early signs of labor, I also felt slightly panicky, which can be another early sign of labor.

But nothing happened last night and I haven't felt a contraction in a long time. Baby is definitely receiving signs from somewhere in my body that an eviction notice is coming, but I'm not sure baby will head those signs for awhile.

And last night --- I slept for 3 straight hours!!!!!! It was amazing.

37 Weeks 5 Days - Home Visit

Ahhhhh, the long awaited and postponed home visit with the midwives. We made egg bake with bacon and beans and served sparkling water. I loved when clients would cook for us during the home visit, always such a nice treat.

Since my last appointment I started feeling like I was asking too much of my midwives to take on the responsibility of photos and even some human support for the pups during the birth. After all, they are responsible for two lives. If there were three ladies, as they are used to working, it probably wouldn't have been such a big deal. But I really felt like I was requesting too much.

And though I am still a little sad about losing the privacy and intimacy I suddenly wanted, I asked a friend to help out - Marybeth. She was always on my list of prospects, but the last time I saw her she was in a bad job situation where she couldn't even take scheduled time off. And then, she got laid off and was being "underutilized" as she said.

Marybeth has great energy; very calm and unflappable. I met her at Birthingway, she's gone through doula training, knows Satchel and Maji, and most importantly, understands the importance, sexuality, and intimacy of birth, which I discovered is actually the most important thing when inviting someone to a birth.

She came over last night for a brief rundown of pup and camera responsibilities and it felt good. I have no worries about Marybeth attending the birth and neither does Dave. I don't even think she needs to come to a prenatal to meet the midwives since she is knowledgeable about the birthing process.

As for my body, during the Blessingway I got a knot in my upper left back, near my shoulder blade, that still feels like it might be the death of me. My left arm is numb to my palm and I sometimes feel the effects of the knot in my sacrum.

I went to the chiro who worked on it, but I swear made it worse. Since Sunday there are times when I can barely move my left arm and typing this blog post isn't helping at all. I have an appointment with healers Bob and Donna on Friday, so hopefully the knot is gone by then or they can fix me.

I've identified that my placenta is on the left side. I didn't even think about it's location until I was feeling my belly in my sleep the other night and realized I was palpating the placenta. Fetascope listening confirmed the swoosh of this marvelous organ. It's also interesting to note that baby isn't cuddly with his or her placenta.

I'm still feeling the wonderful energy of the Blessingway. It really was a special ceremony and I'm so grateful to everyone who shared the space with me. I put the cards and candles and special gifts I received on the fireplace mantle and love looking at the items as I sit on the couch.

BP: 118/76

Pulse: 60

Urine: 7.5 pH

FHT: 150's

Position: ROA (I like that better than ROT)

Fundal Height: 38

No weight check this visit since it's in the home.

Gave the home tour to the midwives, warned them about the Kosher Kitchen's lack of sanitation, got the birth tub and shared a nice meal. Maji was enthralled with Laurie, who is also pregnant and Satchel stood watch while the midwives played with baby and took my vitals.

Blessingway Magic

Ohh - my Blessingway was so nice. I loved every second of it.

To the left is a picture of the mobile I made with all the personal gifts from friends. This will be a great focal point during labor.

To the right is a picture of the lovely ladies who were able to attend.

And a shout out to some friends who couldn't be there:

Callista - She lives in Washington

Amy - She got sick

Sarah - She visited the east coast

Molly - She was at a conference

37 Weeks

Baby is officially full term. Baby is also very comfy inside my womb, has everything he or she needs, isn't cramped for space and I don't think sees any reason to leave. So I'm not expecting labor anytime soon.

I've started talking to baby about labor, what it might be like for both of us and that baby can come anytime now (though baby does still have lots of brain growth and myelination to do).

If I had my prenatal when it was originally scheduled on Wednesday I would have talked about the fact that I felt more uterine contractions 8 weeks ago than I do now.

But on Wednesday I felt some uterine activity and even a contraction that started from the bottom of my uterus and pulled upwards!!! Exciting because it was the first one I felt like that and signifies the uterus actually causing the cervix to dilate.

Dave got very excited and was very cute when I paused dish washing to tell him about it. That night he felt my back tighten and bulge as I was having toning contractions that I couldn't feel in my uterus and only interpreted as my hips being slightly uncomfortable for a few minutes, then going back to normal.

All good signs, but really nothing significant since then.

I had a pelvis aligning session with someone on Monday and a massage yesterday. My body is feeling excellent right now.

My sleep has been disturbed this week however. It takes me longer to fall asleep, I sleep lighter, I wake more frequently and have a longer awake time than in weeks past.

The mornings are also similar to the first trimester, minus the nausea. It takes me forever to get myself going, I hate eating brekkie, and I just want to lay around. But once I actually get out of the house or start doing something, I'm fine.

I've felt very strong male, Tibetan energy around me lately. I've never felt this type of thing before and can only describe it as a collection of monks surrounding a pale pink energy within me.

I'm still not comfortable saying that baby is a boy, but if I were to give birth to a boy I would no longer be as shocked. The Tibetan energy is fascinating - it's not something I've ever been interested in before but it's all I see around me - saffron and gold monk robes, prayer flags, the Tibetan landscape, those high cheek bones and beautiful eyes, vibrant colors.

This is when baby's astral body comes in, so perhaps baby is integrating a past life - ancient and certainly male. Tibet is certainly something on my mind.

BP: 118/80

Pulse: 70

Weight: 156 (So that's a gain of 4 pounds from last week and a total weight gain of 44 pounds. I actually thought I lost weight this week but Kim the midwife said she thought I gained 2 pounds in each cheek. That's what I like to call HugeFace).

Urinalysis: pH 7.5

FHTs: 130's - 140's with good variability

Fundal Height: 37

Position: ROsomething (I forgot to ask)

Decided to go with the botanical vitamin K for baby. Safe, herbal and probably more effective at preventing the problems that can show up after a few months (which no one ever talks about) but really no one knows if it actually works or not. If there is any serious birth trauma I will certainly consider the injectable kind.

Home visit next week (delayed because of scheduling). Excited to introduce them to the pups and the house. We'll chat more about photos and being human support for the dogs if they need it.

Birth Choices

Here are some of my birth preferences that I plan on talking to the midwives about.

First, I have 2 people who they could call if things get stuck. The first is my chiropractor and the second is an energy worker that is hardly from this world.

Labor

• Yes - I want helpful ideas and things to try (Because I'm pretty hands off, I want to be clear that one of the reasons I'm not having an unassisted birth is because I want advice while I'm laboring if it seems things need a kick start).
• Open to herbs and such to keep things moving. Don’t use blue/black cohosh tincture. Willing to try pellets. (During the miscarriage the cohoshe tinctures gave me heart palpitations and it felt like a lightening bolt was going through my brain. I don't think that will happen with pellets however)
• Stinky births aren’t fun - use essential oils. I’ll provide some. (As an apprentice I hated when births were really smelly. I was always sprinkling oil here and there)
• Will provide flower essences and list reasons to give. Please give. (Currently taking Walnut to help with the transition into motherhood. Blended my own essence combo to use during labor - a little something to help with fatigue, energetic darkness, etc... and have some specific single essences on hand.)

Birth

• Dave or I will catch baby (My preference is to not have anyone touch baby at all. If everything checks out visually, I'd rather the midwives just keep away).
• No hat on baby (Unless baby is having some temperature regulation issues, I want to smell, see and touch his or her cute little head).
• Cord cut after placenta is delivered (Want baby to get all the blood the belongs to him or her).
• Breast crawl for first feeding (Duh! This is just my apprenticeship experience coming up. The midwives there were always very fast to put baby to breast manually.)
• Want to use Nori instead of sutures (Unless I tear severely, I want to use seaweed to hold the tear in place. Though this requires more work on my part b/c I have to replace the nori with each trip to the bathroom and I have to keep my legs together, I'm willing because I believe the tissues heal better than when there are sutures in place. The vagina has an amazing will to heal).
• Want to shower while midwives still present (They aren't getting away until I'm cleaned up.)
• Want sheets and pillow cases changed while midwives still present (Ditto)
• Please cut some placenta and make me a small berry placenta smoothie before I eat (Placenta medicine is amazing and I'm fully into eating a small bit raw. Mixed in a smoothie and you can't even tell. Dave wants some as well).
• If bleeding, cut placenta and give it to me straight. I would like this to be the first thing they try. (I've read, never experienced, that this is the best and fastest way to stop a hemorrhage. Cut a small piece and place in mouth and the hormones are meant to fix things.)

Placenta

• Would like midwives to make a placenta print on paper provided (I mean, why not right? A bloody picture of a beautiful organ that I made.)
• Remind Dave to call placenta lady to pick up placenta (I'll take some capsules and tincture please)

For awhile I wanted to perform the newborn and placenta exams myself. The other day I took out my study notes to review and could totally care less about remembering all that stuff. So I'll just let the midwives do their job.

An Update Because I'm Slightly Bored

I don't feel like doing anything today and I don't feel like sitting around. I have some cleaning things I could do, but not that interested. I don't have a good book to read and really just feel like streaming a movie, but I have guilt around that. Maybe I should just stream a movie.

So, let's see...

~ My prenatal appointment was rescheduled today because one of my midwives is in Mexico and the other is sick. I find that slightly hilarious.

~ Dave and I are both comfortable with not having a helper attend the birth who can take photos and care for the pups. As a friend said to me, sometimes that extra person isn't worth the energy they bring for those things. In fact, I'm really starting to prefer just having two people at my birth. I think my bubble of privacy is shifting into place - as happens with moms as they prepare for birth. I wonder if I would have felt this way if things didn't go down they way they did? And if I did feel this way, would I have been comfortable uninviting her?

~ I found out some great facts about fluoride from my wonderful dentist yesterday. He said he isn't supposed to say this because he is required to talk the AMA line (so sad) but really we have no clue if fluoride actually prevents anything except cavities between the teeth and people are genetically pre-disposed to those types of cavities. He said because Dave and I have never had them, it doesn't seem worth it to give baby fluoride supplements.

As you know, I'm a decliner pretty much across the board, but I was set on the fluoride treatments because I associated my massive amounts of cavities up until I was 25 with the fact that I never had fluoride as a child. He said the type of cavities I have were from my diet and brushing style. That makes sense. And Dave was relieved to know I was off the fluoride kick.

~ As for my teeth and gums, they are in amazing shape for being pregnant. I haven't had one episode of bleeding gums or inflammation or increased teeth rotting. The only change was in the second trimester when my teeth were more prone to staining. Though I still have staining in the third trimester, and my iron and tea intake hasn't decreased (in fact it's increased), it's not as bad. I feel very fortunate considering my gums go crazy if I squeeze too much lemon in my water.

~ And my Blessingway is Sunday. I'm looking forward to calling forth some great birthing energy from friends and holding that sacred space until I give birth.

Ready

Dave and I spent the day yesterday preparing for baby. Technically, once I pick up my birth supplies tomorrow, we will be totally ready for baby to come. With the exception that one of our midwives is out of the country, the other has a cold and we don't have anyone in place to take pictures.

I'm totally okay with all that. Though the midwives forgot to mention what the plan is if someone goes into labor while one is on vacation (and I forgot to ask) I think I know who they would call in. And I'm comfortable with this person - though I wasn't for the longest time.

She's a really experienced midwife who has been doing this since she was a child and learned outside of Portland (always nice to have a non-Birthingway experience). She is very direct and doesn't mess around with niceties. I was always uncomfortable around her until I ran into her randomly at the park a month or so ago. We chatted and I got over my unease.

And as for not having a helper for photos and pups - though I still really want pictures, I seem to be easily letting go of that. If we don't have anyone to take pics all the time, that's okay. As for the pups - they respond to their environment and they will be great, I really don't have any doubts. They'll listen to Dave and probably really just sleep a lot of the time. It will be dark in the house, something that always relaxes them, and they know what's going on.

So I feel good.

And I'm GBS negative.

THE MAJIMOMENT WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR

HELLO to all my faithful friends, fans, and fantastic SKULL CONVENIENT STORE regulars. THIS IS MAJI! and I LOVE YOU. Tonight is THE BIG NIGHT - OSCAR NIGHT! If you have been following MY TWEETS, you know that my very special date WAS UP IN THE AIR until just a few hours ago. THERE HAS BEEN much speculation about this year's special man, and like previous years, the criteria for my choosing were as follows:

HE MUST EITHER BE: DEAD, or, HIS CAREER MUST BE DEAD.

NOW I know what you are thinking...you are thinking, MAJI, WHY DEAD? Well, my answer is, WHY NOT? There are many benefits to dating a dead celebrity. FOR INSTANCE, you can pick WHAT YEAR you want your celebrity to be from - meaning, I can have my pick between YOUNG FIT SEXUAL JIM MORRISON and OLD FAT LIMP JIM MORRISON.

My pick, of course, would be for YOUNG FIT SEXUAL JIM MORRISON (to the left). As the photos tell the story, you can tell why.

Once again, this was not an easy selection, as I have many suitors. In the end, it was very difficult to say "Maybe....no" to the likes of Mr. Buddy Holly,

Mr. Jim Henson, and especially the darling of last year's Oscar night, Mr. Heath "can I tell you in words how much I love you???" Ledger.

(Young or old, Mr. Ledger, you certainly do stop this Beagle's heart.)

There were others, of course...there always are, but for the sake of TIME & SPACE, and since this BITCH has GOT TO GET HER NAILS DONE!, I'd like to round it down to the runner up, the runner up to the runner up, and of course, THIS YEAR'S BIG WINNER!

RUNNER UP TO THE RUNNER UP: Dan Aykroyd:

I know WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. You're saying, HASN'T MR. AYKROYD BEEN DEAD TOO LONG? I was thinking the same thing, until I realized IT'S NOT HIM THAT'S DEAD, IT'S JUST HIS CAREER!

I was really hoping to pep him up when he came in to the SKULL CONVENIENT STORE for the Sunday L.A. Times to fine glorious MORNING, but in the end, I realized that the sexual tension that exists between us would just be too much for the paparazzi to handle. So instead I WILL WAVE TO YOU ON THE CARPET, MR. AYKROYD.

MR. RUNNER UP: PATRICK "DIRTY DANCE PARTNER" SWAYZE.

NO ONE PUTS MR. SWAYZE IN THE CORNER....NO ONE! And Mr. Swayze NEVER PUTS MAJI IN THE CORNER EITHER! (Unless she asks him to do so...).

My love for Mr. Patrick Swayze needs no explaining in this forum. For those of you who FOLLOW MY TWEETS, you know all about it. Suffice to say, Patrick may not be with me on the carpet, but HE KNOWS WHERE THE AFTER PARTY IS...

AND THE WINNER....

MR. CHRIS FARLEY!

THAT IS RIGHT, LADIES AND BEAGLEBACKS! Mr. Chris Farley. WHY? Well let me tell you. After last year's OUTRAGEOUS TIME with Mr. John Belushi, I thought it would be best to entertain a FAT FUNNY MAN again...and there he was, looking all FUNNY AND LONESOME in the back of the SKULL CONVENIENT STORE yesterday morning, scratching a lottery ticket. AND WHEN HE CAME IN TO REDEEM HIS $2.00 SCRATCH OFF, I looked into Mr. Farley's bloodshot eyes and said, "THAT'S NOT ALL YOU JUST ONE, MR. FAT FUNNYMAN!"

LUCKY FOR MAJI, not only is MR. CHRIS FARLEY a fantastic dancer, and a real bull around the buffet table, but he also cleans up well.

Thank you to all my loyal fans, friends, and friendly customers. And now I must slip into my Serena line of Nike Wear, finish MY NAILS and prepare for a little razzle dazzle.

LOVE MAJI!

35 Weeks 5 Days

Hello Midwives - we get to see each other every week from now until the birth. I brought chocolate to the prenatal to celebrate.

BP: 118/80 - Lower than last time and not creeping up, but somewhere along the line I've decided that my blood pressure was something I would worry about. The midwives aren't concerned, but I would love for it to be lower because I'm so used to it being lower - though it's normal to be higher in pregnancy. Dave's was, as he says, "a choice" 116/80.

Pulse: 90 - High for me, normal to be raised during pregnancy.

Weight: 152.8 - Almost 2 pound gain from 2 weeks ago. Total weight gain = 41 pounds.

Urinalysis: 7.0pH

Fetal Position: ROT

FHT: 142

Fundal Height: 37 - That's a 4cm increase from 2 weeks ago!!! I wouldn't be surprised if I don't grow much in the next week or two.

Kim thought she felt baby had one leg extended to the left, which I've felt all along and can confirm by the kicks. She also thought the other leg was bent back with heel to booty. Laurie wasn't so sure she agreed.

It would be interesting if baby does have his or her legs in an odd position because in the womb my left leg was bunched up in an odd way. This left my leg turned in and requiring a brace when I was an infant.

I've been thinking about patterns lately and there are a lot of patterns I don't want to repeat as a mother. One of them is getting in a car accident to get labor going. This is what happened to my mom and I've definitely been having slight anxiety when driving about someone hitting me.

I told the ladies about my decreased appetite, but that I was still eating and probably getting as many calories and protein as before. Mentioned my love for milk and was told that the lactose sugar does put the weight on a baby. While sugar is Mircale-Gro for babies, especially at this stage of pregnancy, I just can't imagine having a baby bigger than 9 pounds. Plus, there is no way I'm going to reduce my milk consumption because it makes me so happy. And it's better than ice cream.

We filled out the hospital transport sheet stating any allergies (none), doc preferences (none), etc in case we have to go in. My first choice is Emanuel Hospital because they are most welcoming of homebirth transports, I've worked with some of the OBs there and it's closest.

Also got tested for GBS. Group Beta Strep is a transient bacteria found in the vagina that comes and goes as it pleases. It causes zero harm to mom, but if baby is colonized with it (rare), it can be deadly.

I thought a lot about what to do with this information. The hitch for me is how hospitals respond to the results. If you test positive, they require antibiotics in labor or a serious testing package on the baby (we're talking spinal tap here) and at least a 3 day hospital stay for baby.

There is some negotiation that can happen in this case, but none of it is easy or pretty. And if you aren't tested for GBS they assume you are positive, so not taking the test isn't a great option if you are worried about how the hospital interprets your medical records.

If I wasn't concerned about the hospital I would have taken the test without a thought (it's just a little swab or the vagina and perineum that you do yourself). I don't plan on actually doing anything with the results (except perhaps increasing my probiotic intake), but it is good information to have on hand postpartum if there is something odd happening with baby.

So I thought about it a lot and because a hospital would assume I was positive if I didn't take the test, I did it. Let me tell you, it feels so icky to do something like that based on a hospital's incorrect policy on treating all mothers and babies the same. Very frustrating and sad.

We also handed in our consent forms for the newborn screen (heel poke for baby to test for a large variety of metabolic and endocrine diseases). At first Dave didn't want to do any testing on the baby (options are no testing, heel poke at 24 hours and 2 weeks or heel poke at 5 days). I was coming from it on a more clinical side of things - I've done a bunch of blood draws on babies and it always seems like a non-event for them. Dave disagreed and I see his point. In the end we went with the 2 heel pokes.

Still need to make my decision about baby receiving vitamin K after birth...............

They asked about my emotional state. Weepy is a great word to describe me. We watched the end of Titanic over the weekend and it devolved into me crying about getting old and how I'll handle my 90th year. Plus unrequited love stories always leave me feeling so sad and upset.

We've also been dealing with a really sad and stressful situation around our friend who we asked to take photos and care for the dogs during the birth. She is in a weird head space right now, a pattern we've seen many times over the years.

My reaction to this behavior is that I pull away and don't want to hang out with her. She becomes very narcissistic, walled off and often says things like, "I hate everyone. People can go fuck themselves. I don't care about anyone." One of the unfortunate things is that her behavior reflects those words.

The problem starts with me never communicating to her how her behavior affects our friendship. It was always easier to pull away and not talk to her because I knew it would end and she would become a centered person again.

But this time that can't happen. I need her to be a centered person at the birth and she's unable to be. She refused to speak to me about this and reacted in a very messy and emotional way. So I told her she isn't invited to my birth anymore. I'm glad to discover this now and not one week closer to baby arrival time.

To Do List Before Birth

• Deep clean kitchen. I'd love to rent a floor buffer and get the grime out.
• Taxes (92% complete).
• Finish getting birth supplies; hose, adaptor, tub liner, medium sterile gloves, cord ring.
• Get printer to print wireless. Hoping Friend Dan can make that happen.
• Window cleaning. I have a Groupon.
• Put air in birth ball.
• Clean out junk drawer.
• Replace rusted paper clip that is holding the toilet together.
• Wrap presents for midwives and my brother's birthday.
• Wash car
• Install car seat
• Refresh on newborn and placenta exam. I want to perform these after the birth.
• Stock up on processed veggies for dogs.
• Finish childbirth sessions; Labor positions and finish reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth out loud in bed.
• Deep clean living room and hallway.
• Deep clean bathroom. I have a feeling I'll be in there quite a lot during labor.
• Research potential ND's and MD's.
• Complete birth announcements as much as possible. Brother Benny will finish the rest.
• Continue freezing meals for postpartum.
• Maintain raw meat supply so we can continue to fulfill Moe's Meats orders as much as possible after baby.
• Keep fridge stocked with food in case I don't have 30 hours of early labor which would allow us enough time to go grocery shopping.

Most Recent MajiLift Moments

Dave:

~ End of month office cleaning

~ Crow message

~ A very successful week

~ Another Maji-Sunday

~ If you have to ask...

Courtney:

~ Get it done afternoon

~ Workplace conflict dismissal

~ Doing things when they need to be done

~ The Steve mix-up

~ Napping in bed

~ Birth prep Saturday

No More Yoga

I so didn't want to be in class today and the two classes before that were a little boring to me. My standby is child's pose, which when pregnant is really dynamic - my knees move so far wide and my pelvis opens up. But now that baby is so low I can't go low anymore, and I think that's when the yoga stopped being fun.

I thought that when it was time to stop going to regular, non-prenatal Hatha yoga I would have a hard time making the decision. But, like most things with pregnancy, the decision was already made. No wondering if I was doing the right thing. So, I put a hold on my membership.

There is a part of me, the athlete, that creeps up and asks how am I meant to accomplish the event of labor when I stop training weeks in advance. But I know there is more to it than that. I also know my body has a great ability to maintain it's level of endurance and athleticism, even in times of rest.

If there is one thing this pregnancy has taught me, it is that I have a great physical body. No matter the sport I was training in - marathon, triathlon, rock climbing, hockey - I never thought my physical capabilities were awesome. But now, I'll never doubt that again.

When Baby?

A few close friends have told me that they feel baby will come sometime in March. I dismissed their predictions even though I've been having dreams that baby will be born on March 18th (and be a boy).

Last night Dave came home from a workshop he was teaching and said he had a strong sense, accompanied by stomach cramps when thinking about the labor, that baby was going to be born sometime in March, like around 37 or 38 weeks.

So when Dave says something like that I've learned over the years to go with it. Today I spent the morning gathering all the homebirth supplies I have laying around - towels, wash cloths, heating pad, sterile gloves, sterile lube, etc - and making a list of all the things I need to go and buy - RV hose, faucet adaptor.

I think early birth predictions are pretty common for first-time moms and it's pretty common for first-time moms to go past 40 weeks. I'm trying not to get caught up in them because I don't want to hit 40 weeks and be frustrated because I thought baby was going to be born 3 weeks ago.

Plus, I'm really stuck on baby being an Aries and I don't know why.

My State

34 weeks and looking forward to the few weeks until I birth my baby. This could happen anytime from 2 - 7 weeks. For me to feel like everything is ready and in place, I'd like baby to come anytime after March 14.

We have a beach trip planned this Saturday through Tuesday, Dan and Stacy arrive on March 5, my Blessingway is March 6, home visit with the midwives and Kelly (Doggie Doula), and then Dave and I are taking advantage of a free downtown hotel stay (with the dogs) on the 12th. After that, baby can come. By that time I'll be past the 38 week mark and feeling confident in baby's breathing, digestion, coordination and size.

I still have some things to take care of around the house; deep clean a few more rooms, get some computer work done, research who we want to use for an MD and ND for baby...that kind of stuff. We also have one more childbirth education session to complete.

I won't say that I worry about early labor, but every week that I advance in my pregnancy I have a sigh of relief that there have been no preterm labor signs. By this time I am not worried about baby's survival outside the womb, but it is not a legal time to have a homebirth. Baby needs to wait until 35 and half weeks (with doctor permission) to be born at home. Plus, it's really just a good idea for baby to stay inside a few more weeks to make feeding a lot easier.

My emotional state is becoming increasingly teary. It's like I don't have room inside myself for both a baby and tamped emotions (which is a great thing). The other morning I had a dream that Dave cheated on me with a German woman. When I told him about the dream he said that he, as a whole, doesn't find German women attractive and would never cheat on me with someone he wasn't attracted to. While this kind of comment would usually make me laugh, I got really upset. I spent the next 20 minutes crying, okay it was actually sobbing, with Dave comforting me.

Fortunately, Dave has been awesome about everything. I mean really, really awesome. My last crying jag happened a few days earlier when Satchel frustrated me to no end because he wouldn't lay down. I couldn't seem to let go of the anger, went to bed, had a bad night sleep, woke up pissed and then had another mini-sob session with Dave. Everything seems to feel better after a good cry.

I'd have to say the best (and really I think there has only been these three times) was a few weeks ago when I got so very upset that Dave decided to go to bed before me and didn't let me know that's what he was getting ready to do. Part of me knew I was being totally irrational and crazy but the rest of me couldn't do anything about it. I went to the bathroom and cried until I felt better. And again, Dave was great through it all.

I've been drinking a lot of whole chocolate milk lately. Love it. If I let myself I could probably drink an entire quart in a day, but if I did that I fear I would gross myself out and hate it. So I pace myself. Before pregnancy the last time I drank milk was in middle school. I always hated it. Now, and probably because it's chocolate, it's my thing.

Anytime I dream about a baby it's a boy. Last night I dreamt that I was breastfeeding our son (he latched well but never for long) who had lots of brown hair and was born on March 17 (second dream that baby was born in March). Despite these reoccurring dreams, I just don't buy it. I still say girl all the way.

Physically, things are going well. I'm sleeping wonderfully - meaning I get up 3 times a night to pee and usually drink Recharge because I'm so dehydrated and then I fall back asleep again. I'm still eating a snack in the morning then going back to bed on the couch.

My lower back is great, but my mid-back does get tight. If I sit upright too long (like now) it starts to hurt. Recently, I've had to start watching TV in a reclining position, which is actually quite wonderful because most of the time Dave rubs my feet while we watch Jersey Shore or the X-Files.

The skin on my arms is super dry and flaky. Not sure why this is but it's kinda gross, so I'm trying not to look at it too often. No amount of oil will make it any better. When this happened about 10 weeks ago I put Bag Balm on it and that helped, but that stuff is nasty, so I'm saving my liver and not putting it on during pregnancy.

Hmm, what else? I've noticed a definite pattern where I don't have a strong appetite for a few days every other week or so. During that time I eat when I'm not hungry and eat foods that I'm not into because I'm not really into anything at all. This definitely bums me out. But then it changes all of a sudden and I love everything I'm eating (which is the same as what I always eat) and I'm hungry every few hours. Being hungry makes eating so much easier.

I have never been able to palpate baby's head, but baby let me feel it on Thursday (it was cute and tiny). When I woke up the next day and bent over to put my pants on there was baby feeling much lower than usual. Since baby has always been low, I didn't experience a sudden ability to breathe deeper or eat bigger meals. I also haven't felt any extra bladder or rectum pressure now that baby has dropped since I've had that for a long time now. I'm still a little unsure of baby actually did drop, but I'm feeling like he or she did. We'll see what the midwives have to say.

Mobile

Lookie - it's the mobile I made for baby. If you've ever shopped for a mobile, you know they cost a ridiculous amount of money, even the crappy plastic ones. So I was feeling focused on Friday and sat down for 2.5 hours and came up with this random shapes mobile. I don't think I've ever sat down for 2.5 hours straight and created something.

Switching it All Up

Dave and Josh moved our queen bed to what was the guest bedroom downstairs and the futon to our upstairs bedroom last night. The dog crates also came to live downstairs and my bookshelf and desk moved up. (My laptop is now living at the kitchen table).

Now that we're sleeping downstairs until after baby arrives, I have to walk just 10 feet to the bathroom and my Recharge (something I can't live without in the middle of the night) is a mere 20 second walk to the kitchen. So much easier than walking up and down stairs 3 times a night.

Plus I love having everyone on the same floor in the morning and nights. I've always wanted to live in a ranch and I have a feeling this is the closest I'll come to it.

The dream is to keep the queen bed downstairs as a guest bed and buy a king bed for the upstairs. Ohh the luxury, I can't even imagine. Just as I can't really imagine all three of us sleeping comfortably in a queen.

Dave and I love switching rooms in the house. It feels so un-adult like.

Fatigue - the Calling Card of my Pregnancy

I just realized that my thing is being tired all the time. And I'm totally okay with that. Much better than sciatic, depression, major food aversions, serious back pain, constant indigestion, UTIs, vomiting everyday, yeast infections, tremendous mood swings, or any other pregnancy aliment that a lot of women suffer from.

I'm simply tired....most of the time. And I am so grateful that is what I have to deal with right now. I am in a perfect place to be able to deal with it.

And I hope that I can come back to this post when I'm 36 or 37 weeks, when the real discomfort of pregnancy will most likely set in, and remember that I was generally tired and not much else.

32 Weeks 5 Days

While I don't have a home yoga practice, I wanted to capture my favorite pregnancy yoga pose on camera.

Half Moon makes me feel so strong and balanced and I love doing it. I imagine baby also likes it as well.

Prenatal today. I love prenatal days and now they will be happening every 2 weeks.

BP: 124/74 - a little high for me. I did just sit up from laying down and I was excited.

Pulse: 72

Urinalysis: pH8.0 (it's their dipsticks. On my dipsticks I have a pH of 5)

Weight: 151 - that's a total of 39 pounds added!!! And I probably will gain another 10.

FHT: 147 bpm

Baby Position: ROT - such a stable little creature I have. He or she knows the position they like.

Fundal Height: 33.5

Everything is going great. And by great I mean that my mental attitude is lovely and I generally feel good in my body. Great also includes me being tired all the time, my thinking is slowing down and I move at a snail pace.

No digestion issues. No lower back pain. Some mid-back pain. Sleeping well. And by well I mean I'm not spending hours awake each night (thanks to my pregnancy pillow). No peeing pain. Not constipated. Baby is happy. I'm happy. Dave is happy. Satchel and Maji are happy.

And now that I feel we have most of the STUFF we need for baby, I'm able to move my attention inward and focus on the baby. This shift has been instant - as soon as I declared all the baby stuff is in order I realized that I will soon be giving birth to an actual person who will be a part of my life until I die. I still find it unbelievable.

Banjo Fiction Baby Shower

The baby shower on Saturday was a delight. Lots of friends showed up around 4 and the kitchen got way too hot for me as we were heating all the dinner dishes and people were crowding around the appetizers (my face was super red).

Dinner was served at 5 and was a beautiful potluck of enchiladas, savory pies, an amazing Spanish meatball soup and lentil soup.

Around 5:30 Dave introduced the lay-out of the rest of the evening by interviewing me. Nope, no games. Nope, no baby food tasting. Nope, no gift opening.

He introduced Peter Sears, an Oregon poet and runner-up as Oregon's Poet Laurette this year. He read a poem about being a father to an infant. Next came John Morrison who read a beautiful birth poem.

Dessert was then served, my favorite part. So many options to choose from. I skipped the multiple cakes, poached pears and cookies and went straight for these amazing carrot cupcakes (baby likes carrots).

After dessert a lot of people cleared out and then Dave read a poem from his chapbook. Banjo Fiction was next, something the kids and the adults definitely enjoyed.

Except for a few friends, everyone left after that. I was exhausted when we finally got home around 10pm, but not too tired to open most of our presents.

The next day left me feeling like I had a big night out and moved furniture the day before. My body was sore and head was foggy.

We got lots of compliments about the party mostly along the lines of this email: "Way to not have a sucky baby shower. That was probably the coolest baby shower I have ever been to. Banjo Fiction was rocking."