Birth Supplies are Ready

This morning I woke up and really wanted to get our homebirth supplies out in the living room instead of in my closet. I thought the project would take longer, but I did a good job organizing everything ahead of time so my morning was left free to sit around wondering if my cramps were going to turn into contractions (they didn't).

What we have here are 3 bags labeled birth, baby, postpartum.

The birth bag contains fun things like a flashlight, fish net (for scooping poop out of the tub), gloves, lube, chux pads, a mirror, unopened bottle of olive oil - things we'll need during labor. Baby bag has lots of blankets, a few hats, a heating pad, a nose bulb and a cord ring. The postpartum bag contains garbage bags, a bag for the placenta, peroxide (great for getting blood stains out), nori, sexy mesh underware and a peri-bottle with a bottle of calendula (helpful for easing the burn of peeing postpartum and helping to clean the area).

Surrounding the bags we have a cookie sheet that provides a firm surface if baby needs chest compressions. Unlike in a hospital, during a homebirth we believe that baby needs to be near mom at all times, even during resuscitation.

There are two bowls provided. One is for me to spew in the other is to put the placenta in.

And then there are the towels. There is a pile of rag towels for wiping up messes, a pile of towels from drying me off as I get in and out of the tub and a pile of washcloths to help support my perineum and provide warm compresses. Don't worry, the midwives take care of the laundry before they leave.

Still in my closet is a bag of snacks and drinks for Dave and I that won't be coming out until early labor and my personal stash of aromatherapy oils, homeopathics and flower essences. I've also got the vinyl sheet in there that Dave will put on during active labor, a fitted sheet that I don't mind if it gets ruined, spare pillows with waterproof covers on them, a cute basket filled with diapers and wipes, a small garbage can for the disposable diapers and a bag of postpartum goodies for me - adrenal support, herbs, things I'll need in the immediate postpartum.

Happy 40 Weeks to Me and Baby

Feeling great. Energy is high. Have no physical discomfort. Feels like the haze of pregnancy has evaporated a little causing me to feel more like my non-pregnant self. I bounded down the stairs yesterday and forgot I was pregnant while I was driving. My thinking is clearer.

I'm wondering if this is my body's way of shifting into labor; creating a change of state.

Baby feels fully settled into my pelvis now and I feel that baby is wondering why it's suddenly so cramped inside.

This shift in position intensifies all of baby's movements. If baby moves his or her hands, I feel it near my cervix and up top. It's pretty neat. Baby is wiggling around a lot in there, trying to make room is my guess.

I feel baby will be here soon, even if that means in 2 weeks - which is, of course, likely to happen. I'm totally okay with waiting, am not impatient and feel good with whatever birthday baby decides to celebrate. Of course I would love to go into labor this weekend, but you know.....

I also feel very mentally and physically ready for labor. So does Dave. And I can tell baby is gearing up as well. All is well.

Oh! So That's What's Going On

Yesterday I woke up from my morning nap at 9am feeling wonderful (odd, isn't it?). I swept the living room (even weirder) then did a load of laundry (rugs of all things). I celebrated my good state with a kombucha.

After our prenatal I tried to nap, but couldn't (the weirdest of all). I had so much energy I felt like I was on speed. I wanted to go for a run or climb a mountain - do something really physical and sweat and feel my body move.

Taking this as a legitimate sign of nesting, I got super happy and excited. Dave and I went to New Seasons to stock up on some food and then settled in to watch the last 4 episodes of Californication (season 4).

After the first 28 minute episode I stood up from the couch and noticed baby had fully settled into my pelvis (well Dave noticed first). My belly looked huge and swollen. Another great change.

We went to bed thinking, maaaayyybbbbbeeeeeee something will happen soon. I was in such good spirits.

AT 3 am I woke up and realized that all my birth impatience was coming from my miscarriage experience. Unconsciously I've been worried that my body wasn't going to know how to go into labor on it's own and I'd be pregnant for too long.

The surge of energy I felt yesterday (and I'm strangely, happily awake today as well) was the most reassuring sign that my body knows what to do. Of course it does, it got this far making a baby and growing my body, I'm going to know how to go into labor without me worrying about it.

This feeling is exactly like when I decided that I wasn't actually going to have a miscarriage event. I just let it all go and a few days later everything was over. I'm excited about this.

I feel like the strings that have been holding me up have been cut and I can now gently move in the wind with my feet firmly on the ground. I'll go into labor when it's time and everything will work out.

39 Weeks 5 Days

Other than not starting labor yet, I have zero complaints right now. I don't have a wonky pelvis, my back isn't sore, I still feel great and strong, I don't have hemorrhoids, I poop just fine, my eating is healthy, no stretch marks, I don't have indigestion or heartburn, I'm not more tired than I was 5 weeks ago (though still very tired), I'm mostly in a good mood, my weepy period has passed....

And I feel so ready for labor that I'm going crazy. I really want to get this going, though, at this point, I'm not willing to do anything more than anoint my belly with rose oil every night. I'm still keenly aware that when labor begins is baby's decision and not mine. I don't want to rush things.

Dave and I have jokingly turned everything I do into a sign of early labor; I wake up in a good mood - must be early labor. I wake up in an aggravated mood - must be early labor. Today I swept the living room - labor is sure to start soon.

BP: 112/70 (Lowest yet I think. Must be all the sleep I'm getting)

Pulse: 76

Weight: 158.2 (46 pound total increase. For some moms, weight gain stops or they loose weight right before labor. I've gained exactly 1 pound since last week.)

Urine: pH 7, trace protein

Baby: ROT possibly making way to ROA and nowhere near ROP, which is good. The P stands for posterior, which stands for back labor, which stands for pain.

FHT: 140's then 160's acceleration - baby got excited about something

Fundal: 40

Belly Cast

Glad it's done. Didn't feel like doing it. Kept putting it off. But it was fun. The unfun part was when I had a contraction while it was drying and my entire uterus pulled away - that hurt.

The best part will be when artist brother Benjamin paints it in April - I've asked for no war scenes or abstract art on my belly cast.

Guess The Jarex

I'm thinking most of the guesses are in, so here's what we've got. The winner will take home $140.

The girl names for those who picked that we're having a girl:

Indra

Wild Card - Ziva

Rose

Juniper (2)

Ripple

Jazz

Wild Card

Lazadae

Sterres

Cee

Sophia (2)

Stella (2)

Liev

The boy names for those who picked that we're having a boy:

Townes

North

Wild Card (4)

Dalton

Jack (2)

Cassady

What I will say is there is probably definitely both a boy and a girl winning name selected above.

The middle names of the selected gender. Both boys and girls are listed here:

Althea, George, Rose (2), Moon (3), Pizza Kalp, Piper, LeRoy, Ellis, Cash, Liev, Frost, Jack (2), Banjo, Kat, Vern, La'-a, Eileen

And then there are those that didn't gamble. Here are both boys and girls names, based on winning gender:

Townes, Banjo, Cassady, Veris, Wild Card (Selah), Townes, Oshen, Dalton

Dave - What a Guy

I'm so lucky to have such a supportive husband during this pregnancy. I couldn't ask for anything more.

He works hard to support us while I gestate. He writes poetry. He is understanding and attentive to my changing moods. He cooks. He cleans the bathroom. He's excited about baby.

I'm really looking forward to accepting his support during labor and us catching our baby together. Hopefully very soon.

38 Weeks 5 Days

9 am is not my shining hour during pregnancy. 11 am is better, 1 is great and by 6 I'm usually on top of my game. But it worked best for everyone to have a 9 am prenatal today, so that's what we did.

With Dave being sick for the past week (please don't stare directly at his consumption) the hours between 4 am and 9 am are a little rough. He coughs a lot and would prefer to sleep.

We rallied as a family and drove to the park so the pups can get some exercise before they sit in the car during the appointment.

Maji likes to kill things. I love when she hunts rats in our backyard, but the squirrels should be left alone. Most of the time she kills the squirrel in a few shakes, but this particular squirrel had a strong will to live and Maji got bored. Left horribly mangled, it still was trying to carry on. It took Dave three jabs through the chest with a stick before he could bury it. I'm always forever grateful this never happens when I'm alone.

Ten minutes later, walking up the two flights of stairs to my appointment I fell. Both my hands were in my pockets and I stopped myself with my belly. Judging by my headache, I think my head also hit the stairs but it may be from my jaw clamping down.

It's never a good feeling to know you just fell on top of your baby, even if they are well protected in there. I went to the bathroom, cried and felt really really bad. Currently, my body feels like it got in a car accident - both wrists are sore, upper and lower back are out of whack, neck is stiff and my head hurts.

But at least I fell up and not down the stairs. And just yesterday as I was walking through a muddy park I told myself I need to stop walking with my hands in my pocket because I'm likely to slip. I'm still bummed. Might make a chiro visit tomorrow if I'm still feeling out of alignment. Plus, I don't want my birth to start with a traumatic accident like my mother's did.

By now it's 9 am.

So let's see.....when I told the ladies about Marybeth not being able to help at the birth because she got a job, they just started laughing. They said they aren't worried about Satchel or Maji not being able to handle the birth and since we are catching the baby they'll need something to do anyway.

I guess I'm starting to understand the message that having an observer at the birth wouldn't be good for me. Perhaps I'd be self-conscious and things would slow down or maybe I'd be affected by their energy in some way. Whatever is going on here I know that the strongest feeling I've had through this process is that I want privacy, though my thinking brain says otherwise.

Midwives confirmed that baby did move down a little bit more (this happened on Thursday) but is still not fully into my pelvis.

Any early labor signs? Dave wanted to post on facebook that I was having contractions every 10 hours...so, no. Feeling contractions but nothing that takes my breath away or lasts very long. My vaginal discharge has increased, but nothing substantial. My new thing is waking up very agitated. The first day I got excited but after a week of it I'm guessing it's just my new normal.

Dave scheduled that baby will be born on Tuesday, with labor starting on Sunday. He's so cute. I just can't believe that next Friday I'll be 40 weeks!!!!

Weight: 157.2 (45 pound weight gain)

Urine: pH7, trace protein (totally normal for kidneys to spill some protein, especially at this point in pregnancy)

BP: 120/80

Pulse: 80

Position: ROT

FHTs: 150's

Fundal: 39

A Shift into Motherhood

This morning I woke up noticing a significant change in my attitude toward motherhood. Previously when I thought about caring for a new person the rest of my life, I've had a sadness for the changes that are coming and what I'll have to give up.

The only experience I have to compare it to is the day before we got Satchel. It was a Sunday and Dave and I spontaneously decided to wake up and get donuts. I thought that this would be the last time we'll be able to do this so easily because puppies need certain things in the morning. I was sad.

But I never thought about it again after we brought Satchel home because of the joy and inspiration he brought to our lives. I know a lot of people hate when others compare raising their pets to having children, but I've always found it a valid point of view.

So this morning I woke up and thought about putting baby in the car and going to a restaurant (Corbett Fish House to be exact) and what joy or frustration an experience like that could be depending on baby's mood at the time.

For the first time I accepted it all, the good and the bad and didn't mourn or feel sorry for myself about the changes ahead. I feel extremely ready to meet this new person and love everything that he or she brings into my life.

Very Early Labor Signs?

Baby dropped a little more into my pelvis yesterday and suddenly grew, so now it feels like baby is taking up my entire uterus.

My shy baby didn't move much while Dan and Stacy visited last week and has been making up for it the last two days. Yesterday baby was bopping around like I've never seen or felt before. The right side of my uterus actually rose almost 2 inches with a booty movement!

Not sure if it was the dropping, the growth spurt or the movement, but last night I felt a constant ache in my uterus - not a contraction, but a continuous tightening. I also felt disconnected from my uterus, like it was leading my movements and not my own self. And I felt uncomfortable and spacey.

Knowing that discomfort and spaciness are sometimes very early signs of labor, I also felt slightly panicky, which can be another early sign of labor.

But nothing happened last night and I haven't felt a contraction in a long time. Baby is definitely receiving signs from somewhere in my body that an eviction notice is coming, but I'm not sure baby will head those signs for awhile.

And last night --- I slept for 3 straight hours!!!!!! It was amazing.

37 Weeks 5 Days - Home Visit

Ahhhhh, the long awaited and postponed home visit with the midwives. We made egg bake with bacon and beans and served sparkling water. I loved when clients would cook for us during the home visit, always such a nice treat.

Since my last appointment I started feeling like I was asking too much of my midwives to take on the responsibility of photos and even some human support for the pups during the birth. After all, they are responsible for two lives. If there were three ladies, as they are used to working, it probably wouldn't have been such a big deal. But I really felt like I was requesting too much.

And though I am still a little sad about losing the privacy and intimacy I suddenly wanted, I asked a friend to help out - Marybeth. She was always on my list of prospects, but the last time I saw her she was in a bad job situation where she couldn't even take scheduled time off. And then, she got laid off and was being "underutilized" as she said.

Marybeth has great energy; very calm and unflappable. I met her at Birthingway, she's gone through doula training, knows Satchel and Maji, and most importantly, understands the importance, sexuality, and intimacy of birth, which I discovered is actually the most important thing when inviting someone to a birth.

She came over last night for a brief rundown of pup and camera responsibilities and it felt good. I have no worries about Marybeth attending the birth and neither does Dave. I don't even think she needs to come to a prenatal to meet the midwives since she is knowledgeable about the birthing process.

As for my body, during the Blessingway I got a knot in my upper left back, near my shoulder blade, that still feels like it might be the death of me. My left arm is numb to my palm and I sometimes feel the effects of the knot in my sacrum.

I went to the chiro who worked on it, but I swear made it worse. Since Sunday there are times when I can barely move my left arm and typing this blog post isn't helping at all. I have an appointment with healers Bob and Donna on Friday, so hopefully the knot is gone by then or they can fix me.

I've identified that my placenta is on the left side. I didn't even think about it's location until I was feeling my belly in my sleep the other night and realized I was palpating the placenta. Fetascope listening confirmed the swoosh of this marvelous organ. It's also interesting to note that baby isn't cuddly with his or her placenta.

I'm still feeling the wonderful energy of the Blessingway. It really was a special ceremony and I'm so grateful to everyone who shared the space with me. I put the cards and candles and special gifts I received on the fireplace mantle and love looking at the items as I sit on the couch.

BP: 118/76

Pulse: 60

Urine: 7.5 pH

FHT: 150's

Position: ROA (I like that better than ROT)

Fundal Height: 38

No weight check this visit since it's in the home.

Gave the home tour to the midwives, warned them about the Kosher Kitchen's lack of sanitation, got the birth tub and shared a nice meal. Maji was enthralled with Laurie, who is also pregnant and Satchel stood watch while the midwives played with baby and took my vitals.

Blessingway Magic

Ohh - my Blessingway was so nice. I loved every second of it.

To the left is a picture of the mobile I made with all the personal gifts from friends. This will be a great focal point during labor.

To the right is a picture of the lovely ladies who were able to attend.

And a shout out to some friends who couldn't be there:

Callista - She lives in Washington

Amy - She got sick

Sarah - She visited the east coast

Molly - She was at a conference

37 Weeks

Baby is officially full term. Baby is also very comfy inside my womb, has everything he or she needs, isn't cramped for space and I don't think sees any reason to leave. So I'm not expecting labor anytime soon.

I've started talking to baby about labor, what it might be like for both of us and that baby can come anytime now (though baby does still have lots of brain growth and myelination to do).

If I had my prenatal when it was originally scheduled on Wednesday I would have talked about the fact that I felt more uterine contractions 8 weeks ago than I do now.

But on Wednesday I felt some uterine activity and even a contraction that started from the bottom of my uterus and pulled upwards!!! Exciting because it was the first one I felt like that and signifies the uterus actually causing the cervix to dilate.

Dave got very excited and was very cute when I paused dish washing to tell him about it. That night he felt my back tighten and bulge as I was having toning contractions that I couldn't feel in my uterus and only interpreted as my hips being slightly uncomfortable for a few minutes, then going back to normal.

All good signs, but really nothing significant since then.

I had a pelvis aligning session with someone on Monday and a massage yesterday. My body is feeling excellent right now.

My sleep has been disturbed this week however. It takes me longer to fall asleep, I sleep lighter, I wake more frequently and have a longer awake time than in weeks past.

The mornings are also similar to the first trimester, minus the nausea. It takes me forever to get myself going, I hate eating brekkie, and I just want to lay around. But once I actually get out of the house or start doing something, I'm fine.

I've felt very strong male, Tibetan energy around me lately. I've never felt this type of thing before and can only describe it as a collection of monks surrounding a pale pink energy within me.

I'm still not comfortable saying that baby is a boy, but if I were to give birth to a boy I would no longer be as shocked. The Tibetan energy is fascinating - it's not something I've ever been interested in before but it's all I see around me - saffron and gold monk robes, prayer flags, the Tibetan landscape, those high cheek bones and beautiful eyes, vibrant colors.

This is when baby's astral body comes in, so perhaps baby is integrating a past life - ancient and certainly male. Tibet is certainly something on my mind.

BP: 118/80

Pulse: 70

Weight: 156 (So that's a gain of 4 pounds from last week and a total weight gain of 44 pounds. I actually thought I lost weight this week but Kim the midwife said she thought I gained 2 pounds in each cheek. That's what I like to call HugeFace).

Urinalysis: pH 7.5

FHTs: 130's - 140's with good variability

Fundal Height: 37

Position: ROsomething (I forgot to ask)

Decided to go with the botanical vitamin K for baby. Safe, herbal and probably more effective at preventing the problems that can show up after a few months (which no one ever talks about) but really no one knows if it actually works or not. If there is any serious birth trauma I will certainly consider the injectable kind.

Home visit next week (delayed because of scheduling). Excited to introduce them to the pups and the house. We'll chat more about photos and being human support for the dogs if they need it.

Birth Choices

Here are some of my birth preferences that I plan on talking to the midwives about.

First, I have 2 people who they could call if things get stuck. The first is my chiropractor and the second is an energy worker that is hardly from this world.

Labor

• Yes - I want helpful ideas and things to try (Because I'm pretty hands off, I want to be clear that one of the reasons I'm not having an unassisted birth is because I want advice while I'm laboring if it seems things need a kick start).
• Open to herbs and such to keep things moving. Don’t use blue/black cohosh tincture. Willing to try pellets. (During the miscarriage the cohoshe tinctures gave me heart palpitations and it felt like a lightening bolt was going through my brain. I don't think that will happen with pellets however)
• Stinky births aren’t fun - use essential oils. I’ll provide some. (As an apprentice I hated when births were really smelly. I was always sprinkling oil here and there)
• Will provide flower essences and list reasons to give. Please give. (Currently taking Walnut to help with the transition into motherhood. Blended my own essence combo to use during labor - a little something to help with fatigue, energetic darkness, etc... and have some specific single essences on hand.)

Birth

• Dave or I will catch baby (My preference is to not have anyone touch baby at all. If everything checks out visually, I'd rather the midwives just keep away).
• No hat on baby (Unless baby is having some temperature regulation issues, I want to smell, see and touch his or her cute little head).
• Cord cut after placenta is delivered (Want baby to get all the blood the belongs to him or her).
• Breast crawl for first feeding (Duh! This is just my apprenticeship experience coming up. The midwives there were always very fast to put baby to breast manually.)
• Want to use Nori instead of sutures (Unless I tear severely, I want to use seaweed to hold the tear in place. Though this requires more work on my part b/c I have to replace the nori with each trip to the bathroom and I have to keep my legs together, I'm willing because I believe the tissues heal better than when there are sutures in place. The vagina has an amazing will to heal).
• Want to shower while midwives still present (They aren't getting away until I'm cleaned up.)
• Want sheets and pillow cases changed while midwives still present (Ditto)
• Please cut some placenta and make me a small berry placenta smoothie before I eat (Placenta medicine is amazing and I'm fully into eating a small bit raw. Mixed in a smoothie and you can't even tell. Dave wants some as well).
• If bleeding, cut placenta and give it to me straight. I would like this to be the first thing they try. (I've read, never experienced, that this is the best and fastest way to stop a hemorrhage. Cut a small piece and place in mouth and the hormones are meant to fix things.)

Placenta

• Would like midwives to make a placenta print on paper provided (I mean, why not right? A bloody picture of a beautiful organ that I made.)
• Remind Dave to call placenta lady to pick up placenta (I'll take some capsules and tincture please)

For awhile I wanted to perform the newborn and placenta exams myself. The other day I took out my study notes to review and could totally care less about remembering all that stuff. So I'll just let the midwives do their job.

An Update Because I'm Slightly Bored

I don't feel like doing anything today and I don't feel like sitting around. I have some cleaning things I could do, but not that interested. I don't have a good book to read and really just feel like streaming a movie, but I have guilt around that. Maybe I should just stream a movie.

So, let's see...

~ My prenatal appointment was rescheduled today because one of my midwives is in Mexico and the other is sick. I find that slightly hilarious.

~ Dave and I are both comfortable with not having a helper attend the birth who can take photos and care for the pups. As a friend said to me, sometimes that extra person isn't worth the energy they bring for those things. In fact, I'm really starting to prefer just having two people at my birth. I think my bubble of privacy is shifting into place - as happens with moms as they prepare for birth. I wonder if I would have felt this way if things didn't go down they way they did? And if I did feel this way, would I have been comfortable uninviting her?

~ I found out some great facts about fluoride from my wonderful dentist yesterday. He said he isn't supposed to say this because he is required to talk the AMA line (so sad) but really we have no clue if fluoride actually prevents anything except cavities between the teeth and people are genetically pre-disposed to those types of cavities. He said because Dave and I have never had them, it doesn't seem worth it to give baby fluoride supplements.

As you know, I'm a decliner pretty much across the board, but I was set on the fluoride treatments because I associated my massive amounts of cavities up until I was 25 with the fact that I never had fluoride as a child. He said the type of cavities I have were from my diet and brushing style. That makes sense. And Dave was relieved to know I was off the fluoride kick.

~ As for my teeth and gums, they are in amazing shape for being pregnant. I haven't had one episode of bleeding gums or inflammation or increased teeth rotting. The only change was in the second trimester when my teeth were more prone to staining. Though I still have staining in the third trimester, and my iron and tea intake hasn't decreased (in fact it's increased), it's not as bad. I feel very fortunate considering my gums go crazy if I squeeze too much lemon in my water.

~ And my Blessingway is Sunday. I'm looking forward to calling forth some great birthing energy from friends and holding that sacred space until I give birth.