Thursday, October 28, 2010

Why Men Fly Into Buildings

A poem by Dave.

The Tribune’s survey asks me to rate my sex life on a scale
between Puritan and Gomorrah. I choose Protestant,
defined here as being in a committed heterosexual relationship
with someone of a similar ethnic profile.

Down the page I encounter the word docking, a sex act
between two men where one inserts the head of his penis
into the foreskin of his uncircumcised partner, which gets me
wondering why the only word for being uncircumcised

is uncircumcised, which is like saying uncut or unaltered, yet
there is no word for the fact that we come into life intact,
fully skinned, normal, which is how my wife and I

refer to our son when our families ask
why we didn’t circumcise even if it meant denying
various Bible passages and covenants not to mention

a pre-Victorian medical slit, where the doctor rolls back the skin
to cut around the base of the nascent newborn tip that sticks out
like the tiniest lipstick without its cap.

We wanted to save him the pain of bunk science that speaks
of preventing diseases, many of which are listed
in the twelve-inch column adjacent the sex survey, two pages

over from the story about a man who flew his single engine Cessna
into an IRS building because his wife left him and his business closed.
If someday my son flies into a building, crashes

into the office window of a mid-level federal employee,
a depth psychologist may suggest his aggression went back
to the nursery, some recessed anger because his penis was unlike

his circumcised father’s, leaving me with the image of my son
loading the cockpit, nudging up into the sky but staying low at the horizon,
squaring the nose of his bird at a steel and concrete edifice
built well before he was born.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Man at 18 Weeks


My gut warbles like I gargled
and swallowed the salt. My feet ache.
I raise them. Propped on pillows,
I take pumice to my toes. I’ve callused
over like the goldfish crackers
in the bowl in my lap. Each fish
has a smile and a little blinking eye,
the other eye wide open. They wink
and smile when you eat them. I eat
handfuls at a time. Outside there is wind
and little children dressed like Eskimos
in the rain. The wind is getting harder.
The goldfish swim around my stomach
until they become one giant goldfish
swimming around one round bowl of flesh.
It wants to look out through my skin
at the noise of the children and wind.
Its nose kicks against my liver.
It wants to see what I see, what it’s like
out here in the light. I want to know
what the fish’s dark float is like. I run
warm water in the tub and lie under water
until my ears fill with bubbles.
- Dave

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Fetascope Heartbeat

I haven't tried to hear the heartbeat with a fetascope or palpated my uterus since before my last appointment. This morning I woke up and thought it was time to listen and fairly quickly I heard baby's heartbeat!!

I'm excited that I was able to hear baby AND excited that I'm developing my fetascope skills, which have always caused me to silently panic when it was my turn to listen to other's bellies.

Haven't felt movement since the last time, but thought that maybe, during yoga yesterday morning, I felt the bubble releasing sensation again. I think soon enough I'll be feeling taps and pokes consistently.

I've also been making lists of baby stuff we want. My mom already bought us a stroller (BOB) and she's going to buy us a crib and a dresser. I was always a little ify on the crib situation, but realized that I want somewhere safe to put baby where baby won't roll to the floor and Maji won't lick baby awake. I realize that it will be a long time before baby will probably use the crib for naps, but having it all set up will make me feel settled and ready.

Amy took me to Babies R Us last weekend, which was very brave of her, and it ended up being quite fun. My east coast family has begged us to register there so they can easily buy us stuff and ship for free, so I figured why not.

I've never registered for anything before and it was a hoot to walk around the store with the scanning gun and scan items. I tended to request items we'll need later down the road, like plates and cups and 9 month old clothes.

I also realized that you do need stuff for a baby. Blankets, bottles, diapering systems, something to put the baby in so you can shower, burp cloths, slings, garbage cans to keep puppies out of shit, toys......crazy. And I really want one of those glider rockers :)

I've been dying to get to the mountain this month before the rains come, so on my day off from practice baby, I'm taking the dogs on a little hike. Yeah for fall in Oregon.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Baby Movement

I, for sure, felt baby move last night. A little poke poke on my left side.

And I weigh 125 these days.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

16 Weeks and 5 Days

Hello October 13th and our third prenatal. Today found me happily declaring to our midwives that I was no longer going to die of starvation or indecision. I've been able to decide things on my own for several weeks now and food is no longer an issue.

Some topics we chatted about:

My headaches have gone away after a chiro appointment (was leaning my head forward because of additional weight and my eagerness to look ahead was showing up.) But I am waking up with headaches in the middle of the night that go away by morning. It feels like when you wake up after a night of drinking feeling like you're going to have the worst headache, only to find yourself perfect come morning.

I thought maybe it was dehydration, but it didn't really make sense since my pee is never concentrated and I drink throughout the night. Lori felt it could be low blood sugar. And though I don't feel hungry, perhaps I am. But why would it resolve on it's own and why can I actually fall back asleep? Kim thought perhaps circulation. At any rate, it's not something that concerns me, just an oddity of my pregnancy.

I mentioned how busy I've been with birth center work, being a temporary nanny and having childbirth and doula clients. But it's the perfect time for all that to be happening.

I told them that I felt that my uterus is growing larger than my 16 weeks, mostly in height. Sometimes it feels at a 20 week height to me and sometimes I can't find the fundus (top of uterus) at all. But overall the width of the uterus feels right on with 16 weeks. Lori felt it and agreed that the fundus was higher, more along 18 weeks but thought that overall it was growing at a pace that was normal.

They also said that the 3 different times I thought I felt the baby move was probably the baby moving. The first time was at 15 weeks and I felt a bubble releasing inside my uterus. The next times was at 16 weeks and 2 days when I thought I felt a poke on the left side and then a few minutes later on the right side I had that same bubble feeling. Yeah baby!

I mentioned my new love of grapes and was told that grapes are a great blood builder. And isn't that perfect timing since my body is busy making lots of extra blood!!!

My pulse was 82, which is again high for me. I think as the appointment goes on I get more and more excited and this raises everything. My blood pressure was 106 over 72 or something like that. I'm going to have Dave check my vitals a few times at home just to see if it is because I get all excited talking about baby things when I'm with the midwives.

And my pee pH was 8 again. I was all excited to tell them that I figured out it was the legumes that caused a high pH last time only to remember that I ate 13 bean soup last night, so my pee was affected again. Not that it really matters, but it's certainly a curiosity to me.

Lori wasn't able to hear baby's heartbeat with the fetascope and I didn't feel it was necessary to use a Doppler. I feel confident that baby is growing and healthy and I wanted to feel myself decline the quick fix of the Doppler. It felt good to have real confidence again in my body's ability to do what it needs to do.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

An Update For You

It's been awhile.....I've been feeling really good and just living my normal life, with occasional naps between doings.

Work has been busy. I got a temporary (my favorite kind) nanny gig watching a 4 month old boy named Gus. I love doing the nanny thing for babies because I get lots of good ideas from moms. Baskets of burp cloths in the living room - brilliant. (If anyone wants to buy me some baskets, I'll need them for toys, diapers and now burp cloths).

I've also been working lots at the birth center. I dread, like you wouldn't believe, actually going to work, but once I'm here it's usually fine. Last night was probably my hardest night ever. I worked all day as a nanny, had a few hours of rest time at home, then came in to work overnight.

Happily, I am friends with the family that just gave birth. Unhappily, they were wired and needy and I didn't get to lay down until 3 am (on the floor mind you). And then I was up about every hour with them. So I'm operating on about 2 hours of sleep.

Dave is, as I type this, making me GF french toast with bacon. My plan is to eat and then get about 4 hours of sleep. After that I'll pick up a Moe's Meats order, inventory it, then rest again until his buyers come for some meat. Dave is also making city chicken tonight and then he's going to give me a massage.

Because of the nanny work (8:30 - 4:30) I haven't been able to get to yoga class in six days and my body feels like it's falling apart. My legs ache from a walk around the block and I'm suddenly aware that I have a lower back.

Speaking of body aches - shoes. WTF? Suddenly I have no shoes that are actually comfortable for walking. And this Gus baby likes to walk. It basically feels like my feet used to be callused and now they are gone and I'm left with a thin layer of burning skin. Plus the bones in my feet hurt. I'm told wait four months to really feel it...

As for the baby, I have been trying to find the heartbeat with a fetascope nearly every night, with no luck. It's still kinda early and I'm not very skilled at finding it on my own anyway.

I had a moment, at 15 weeks, when I thought I felt the baby move. It was at night and it happened as I was turning over to my side, so it was a little confusing. It felt like a sudden bubble, in my uterus, releasing. I haven't felt anything since.

Dave has been super busy as well. Lots of work and workshops and he's handling it well. He is enjoying most of the business work that is coming at him and the workshop groups (4 of them) are really great. He's also reading at Wordstock this weekend, quite a big deal.

Satchel and Maji are enjoying practice baby (Gus) and both getting used to baby in their own, unique ways.