35 Weeks 5 Days

Hello Midwives - we get to see each other every week from now until the birth. I brought chocolate to the prenatal to celebrate.

BP: 118/80 - Lower than last time and not creeping up, but somewhere along the line I've decided that my blood pressure was something I would worry about. The midwives aren't concerned, but I would love for it to be lower because I'm so used to it being lower - though it's normal to be higher in pregnancy. Dave's was, as he says, "a choice" 116/80.

Pulse: 90 - High for me, normal to be raised during pregnancy.

Weight: 152.8 - Almost 2 pound gain from 2 weeks ago. Total weight gain = 41 pounds.

Urinalysis: 7.0pH

Fetal Position: ROT

FHT: 142

Fundal Height: 37 - That's a 4cm increase from 2 weeks ago!!! I wouldn't be surprised if I don't grow much in the next week or two.

Kim thought she felt baby had one leg extended to the left, which I've felt all along and can confirm by the kicks. She also thought the other leg was bent back with heel to booty. Laurie wasn't so sure she agreed.

It would be interesting if baby does have his or her legs in an odd position because in the womb my left leg was bunched up in an odd way. This left my leg turned in and requiring a brace when I was an infant.

I've been thinking about patterns lately and there are a lot of patterns I don't want to repeat as a mother. One of them is getting in a car accident to get labor going. This is what happened to my mom and I've definitely been having slight anxiety when driving about someone hitting me.

I told the ladies about my decreased appetite, but that I was still eating and probably getting as many calories and protein as before. Mentioned my love for milk and was told that the lactose sugar does put the weight on a baby. While sugar is Mircale-Gro for babies, especially at this stage of pregnancy, I just can't imagine having a baby bigger than 9 pounds. Plus, there is no way I'm going to reduce my milk consumption because it makes me so happy. And it's better than ice cream.

We filled out the hospital transport sheet stating any allergies (none), doc preferences (none), etc in case we have to go in. My first choice is Emanuel Hospital because they are most welcoming of homebirth transports, I've worked with some of the OBs there and it's closest.

Also got tested for GBS. Group Beta Strep is a transient bacteria found in the vagina that comes and goes as it pleases. It causes zero harm to mom, but if baby is colonized with it (rare), it can be deadly.

I thought a lot about what to do with this information. The hitch for me is how hospitals respond to the results. If you test positive, they require antibiotics in labor or a serious testing package on the baby (we're talking spinal tap here) and at least a 3 day hospital stay for baby.

There is some negotiation that can happen in this case, but none of it is easy or pretty. And if you aren't tested for GBS they assume you are positive, so not taking the test isn't a great option if you are worried about how the hospital interprets your medical records.

If I wasn't concerned about the hospital I would have taken the test without a thought (it's just a little swab or the vagina and perineum that you do yourself). I don't plan on actually doing anything with the results (except perhaps increasing my probiotic intake), but it is good information to have on hand postpartum if there is something odd happening with baby.

So I thought about it a lot and because a hospital would assume I was positive if I didn't take the test, I did it. Let me tell you, it feels so icky to do something like that based on a hospital's incorrect policy on treating all mothers and babies the same. Very frustrating and sad.

We also handed in our consent forms for the newborn screen (heel poke for baby to test for a large variety of metabolic and endocrine diseases). At first Dave didn't want to do any testing on the baby (options are no testing, heel poke at 24 hours and 2 weeks or heel poke at 5 days). I was coming from it on a more clinical side of things - I've done a bunch of blood draws on babies and it always seems like a non-event for them. Dave disagreed and I see his point. In the end we went with the 2 heel pokes.

Still need to make my decision about baby receiving vitamin K after birth...............

They asked about my emotional state. Weepy is a great word to describe me. We watched the end of Titanic over the weekend and it devolved into me crying about getting old and how I'll handle my 90th year. Plus unrequited love stories always leave me feeling so sad and upset.

We've also been dealing with a really sad and stressful situation around our friend who we asked to take photos and care for the dogs during the birth. She is in a weird head space right now, a pattern we've seen many times over the years.

My reaction to this behavior is that I pull away and don't want to hang out with her. She becomes very narcissistic, walled off and often says things like, "I hate everyone. People can go fuck themselves. I don't care about anyone." One of the unfortunate things is that her behavior reflects those words.

The problem starts with me never communicating to her how her behavior affects our friendship. It was always easier to pull away and not talk to her because I knew it would end and she would become a centered person again.

But this time that can't happen. I need her to be a centered person at the birth and she's unable to be. She refused to speak to me about this and reacted in a very messy and emotional way. So I told her she isn't invited to my birth anymore. I'm glad to discover this now and not one week closer to baby arrival time.