THE MAJIMOMENT WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR

HELLO to all my faithful friends, fans, and fantastic SKULL CONVENIENT STORE regulars. THIS IS MAJI! and I LOVE YOU. Tonight is THE BIG NIGHT - OSCAR NIGHT! If you have been following MY TWEETS, you know that my very special date WAS UP IN THE AIR until just a few hours ago. THERE HAS BEEN much speculation about this year's special man, and like previous years, the criteria for my choosing were as follows:

HE MUST EITHER BE: DEAD, or, HIS CAREER MUST BE DEAD.

NOW I know what you are thinking...you are thinking, MAJI, WHY DEAD? Well, my answer is, WHY NOT? There are many benefits to dating a dead celebrity. FOR INSTANCE, you can pick WHAT YEAR you want your celebrity to be from - meaning, I can have my pick between YOUNG FIT SEXUAL JIM MORRISON and OLD FAT LIMP JIM MORRISON.

My pick, of course, would be for YOUNG FIT SEXUAL JIM MORRISON (to the left). As the photos tell the story, you can tell why.

Once again, this was not an easy selection, as I have many suitors. In the end, it was very difficult to say "Maybe....no" to the likes of Mr. Buddy Holly,

Mr. Jim Henson, and especially the darling of last year's Oscar night, Mr. Heath "can I tell you in words how much I love you???" Ledger.

(Young or old, Mr. Ledger, you certainly do stop this Beagle's heart.)

There were others, of course...there always are, but for the sake of TIME & SPACE, and since this BITCH has GOT TO GET HER NAILS DONE!, I'd like to round it down to the runner up, the runner up to the runner up, and of course, THIS YEAR'S BIG WINNER!

RUNNER UP TO THE RUNNER UP: Dan Aykroyd:

I know WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. You're saying, HASN'T MR. AYKROYD BEEN DEAD TOO LONG? I was thinking the same thing, until I realized IT'S NOT HIM THAT'S DEAD, IT'S JUST HIS CAREER!

I was really hoping to pep him up when he came in to the SKULL CONVENIENT STORE for the Sunday L.A. Times to fine glorious MORNING, but in the end, I realized that the sexual tension that exists between us would just be too much for the paparazzi to handle. So instead I WILL WAVE TO YOU ON THE CARPET, MR. AYKROYD.

MR. RUNNER UP: PATRICK "DIRTY DANCE PARTNER" SWAYZE.

NO ONE PUTS MR. SWAYZE IN THE CORNER....NO ONE! And Mr. Swayze NEVER PUTS MAJI IN THE CORNER EITHER! (Unless she asks him to do so...).

My love for Mr. Patrick Swayze needs no explaining in this forum. For those of you who FOLLOW MY TWEETS, you know all about it. Suffice to say, Patrick may not be with me on the carpet, but HE KNOWS WHERE THE AFTER PARTY IS...

AND THE WINNER....

MR. CHRIS FARLEY!

THAT IS RIGHT, LADIES AND BEAGLEBACKS! Mr. Chris Farley. WHY? Well let me tell you. After last year's OUTRAGEOUS TIME with Mr. John Belushi, I thought it would be best to entertain a FAT FUNNY MAN again...and there he was, looking all FUNNY AND LONESOME in the back of the SKULL CONVENIENT STORE yesterday morning, scratching a lottery ticket. AND WHEN HE CAME IN TO REDEEM HIS $2.00 SCRATCH OFF, I looked into Mr. Farley's bloodshot eyes and said, "THAT'S NOT ALL YOU JUST ONE, MR. FAT FUNNYMAN!"

LUCKY FOR MAJI, not only is MR. CHRIS FARLEY a fantastic dancer, and a real bull around the buffet table, but he also cleans up well.

Thank you to all my loyal fans, friends, and friendly customers. And now I must slip into my Serena line of Nike Wear, finish MY NAILS and prepare for a little razzle dazzle.

LOVE MAJI!