Baby Time

I'm sad about Lazadae growing up. I'm sad that I already feel this skin to skin bed in time is soon to be over. Her newborn phase is short. Her child time is short. And as Dave says, she's going to be an adult for a long long time. I love this baby time so much. This is why people want more babies.

Dave reminded me how sad I was when Satchel was a puppy and I'd think about loosing that time. And he grew up and now we get to enjoy his distinct personality as an adult. And I don't feel sad anymore about him not being a puppy.

People are drawn to babies. It must be because they are pure energy - absolute innocence and also because of how sweet this time is.

I don't want to loose a second of my time with Lazadae. And then I feel guilty because I'm doing other things -like blogging when it would be nice to be holding a sleeping baby. But I know that is ridiculous AND I don't ever want to over identify with Lazadae as her mom.

Her needs almost always override my needs and I follow her flow of hunger and sleep. I also want to be sure that she is a part of our world - so wearing her is important to me. That way she can be a participant of what I do without me sacrificing my time 100% of the time.

I also made a mental list of who I am in this world as a way of becoming me again. My goal is to do something, even if it's just a little bit, of who I am. I am someone who enjoys the farmer's market. I am a person who likes to walk. I am a reader. I am a blogger. Eventually I will be a yoga-doer and a dancer again.