Vitality Soup

Last week I was feeling so low. My life force, chi, vitality - all of it - was diminished. The smallest everyday stress would make me so very very tired. So I made a plan to call back my spirit. And it worked.

The main thing for me was yoga. I won a scholarship at The People's Yoga (you just have to show them that you make no money) and committed to attending Hatha Yoga 3-4 times a week.

I started enjoying gardening. It's something I haven't enjoyed since I majored in it in college. I'm not quite sure how this happened, I think it might have been me knowing that we aren't moving or my need to nurture life, but I'm out in the yard 2 or 3 times a week rediscovering our rock garden and pulling weeds while Maji is on rat duty.

I made vitality soup. I threw in a bunch of marrow bones, veggies and the following herbs:

Dong Gui - 2-3 slices

Astragalus - 3 slices

Codonopsis - 1 root

Da Zao - 2-3 dates

Ginger - 2-3 slices

I recommend this soup for anyone feeling low, though I never actually ate any of it because the layers of fat from the marrow bones grossed me out (you can skim and then dilute the stock into an actual soup). The act and intention behind making it made me feel good. It's now sitting in our freezer.

I started back at studying. I have a new casual approach to it, following my energy and spending quality time reading and learning. Currently I'm studying lots about twins because I have a sense I might have them. My hope is a single baby, but if it is twins then at least I'll be a little more prepared.

I've been trading for weekly Shiatsu massage and am I loving it! If you've never had Shiatsu massage, try it out. Unlike regular, boring massage, Shiatsu includes your energy system and has a much lasting effect than muscular massage for me. Shiatsu is firm touch along energy channels over your clothes.

Tomorrow Dave and I are having a Breitenbush day trip. Ahhh - a full day soaking in the healing waters and sun of the forest. Plus it will be my tattoo's first day out (it's been three weeks).

As part of my vitality kick I've been sprouting beans and almonds. Just like Shiatsu massage, if you haven't done this, look it up and try it out. Soaking your beans and nuts in water calls in the energy and completely changes the nutritional content of your food. It makes it easily digested and super healthy for your body.

The almond component means I'm now making sprouted raw almond milk. This is now my favorite food on earth. Leaving the almond pulp in, this is a complete meal for me. I feel amazing after drinking it and can't get enough.

I'm working with a homeopathic doctor to help heal and strengthen my uterus for my next pregnancy. We've also formulated a plan that will carry me into my next pregnancy and help my body maintain a healthy pregnancy.

Just like last year I've been absorbing the calmness of sunshine in the front yard. I love our front yard - it's the only poop free grass we have and it doesn't gross me out like our back yard. I sit out there and read, lay in the grass and, most recently, we have nighttime fires out there that attract all the Burning Man kids in the hood. We've even begun crashing other people's back yard fire pits.

I'm back to drinking medicinal herbs for my uterus. I alternate between oatstraw for vessel strengthening, raspberry as a uterine tonic, red clover for fertility, nettle for kidneys and dandelion leaves for all around health.

All this has been great. In a little over a week I feel like a new person. But it hit me hard last Saturday at a potluck when someone said they heard I was pregnant. I wasn't prepared and I got that feeling when someone jumps out from behind a door and at the same time this cracking open of the ribs that I have never felt before. It made me so sad to feel my body remembering my pregnancy.

I spent the conversation reassuring the woman who asked and telling her it was okay. I told her that I want to talk about it because part of the problem is that this doesn't get talked about. I said all those things and I meant them, and then I did my best to hold back my tears at the dinner table.

Grief doesn't fit nicely in a box. We don't get over something after a certain amount of time. Weeks can go by and we feel fine about what happened, then a trigger occurs and you feel it all over again.

My tattoo has been a wonderful help for me. When I'm sad I look in the mirror at it and it's like looking at a picture of a lost loved one. I feel closer to that experience in a really good way. I never thought, only hoped, that this is what would happen when I committed to the foreverness of the tattoo.