Strange

So - Having finished my final shifts at the birth center and declaring today that I felt really free from that place, I got an email from my supervisor. She said I:

~ Left blood on a bottle of lotion (that's bad)

~ Didn't do the dishes (for some reason I thought doulas didn't have to clean up after midwives)

~ Left wet laundry in the washer (nope, that didn't happen for sure)

~ Put the portable toilet away in the wrong place (okay)

The second paragraph of the email was in reference to me trying to find a replacement on Tuesday night for my second room cleaning in a row. The apprentice who called me in asked me if I was able to come in for the room clean (she knows that the cleaning is hard on my body) and I told her I was going to look for someone else. When I called her back to tell her it was me who would be cleaning she said that the director "flipped out" b/c I was trying to find a replacement. She and I rolled our eyes at her ignorance as to how common it is for us doulas to try to find replacements.

In the email I was told that my shifts are my responsibility and that I must to do the work even if I "don't feel like it." That pisses me off because I made it clear why I had to go on early maternity leave and room cleaning was number two on my list.

For the first time ever in my life I feel like not responding to this email (which didn't ask for a response). I'm always one to respond and communicate - which is partly ego driven and partly a need to be open with feelings.

I also feel like burning that bridge - something I've never done in my professional relationships. Throughout my careers I've always kept ties and this has always been important to me. But this time I want to never see or speak or hear another word from them.

And here's the strange part: After reading through the email from the birth center (which should have been a conversation, but my supervisor is young, lacks communication skills and self-confidence) I open a facebook email.

This email is from a higher up smart guy I used to work with at the last consulting firm I was at. He was wondering if I would be interested in joining an independent team he is putting together for a local company - I'd be the project manager, it would go through March and possibly longer if I wanted it to and they are apparently a fun group who work from home.

I'm flattered, to say the least. I took my last management job as a way out of the company I worked at prior where I was too involved and unable to discover what I really needed to be doing in life. So I took this consulting job and coasted through it. I managed my projects well, but on my own personal scale I would say I worked at half level. So it's really nice to be invited to join a team as an independent contractor.

And this has been my dilemma that has been building up inside of me for a few months now. I love the clients and the actual hands on work I do with the birth center families. I could care less about my skills at folding sheets, washing dishes and making beds (apparently I'm not good at any of those things).

I didn't start out the job feeling this way, but lately I've been feeling like it's way below me. Not the actual client part, but the rest of the crap I have to do. And it's because I'm not able to contribute there and make changes - I'm not a part of anything there, I just show up. And that is not in my nature. I've never been respected there and I don't respect the place in return.

So here I am being given unprofessional feedback about a crappy $12/hour job while in the same instant I'm being offered the opportunity to lead a team for $50 - $100/hour and I can't help but think the birth center can just go screw themselves.

I feel snotty when I think about it this way b/c I signed up to fold sheets, roll towels and make beds, in addition to caring for new families and babies.

And that's all I have to say right now...