The Woodpecker in the Bedroom

Monday and Tuesday were interesting days for me. I came to an understand about what is happening in my body that I can't quite put into words. Let's just say I made profound peace.

Concerned about a possible very early sign of infection this morning, I started thinking about the next step - Cytotec. Not sure what was going on and very grateful that I was seeing my midwives at noon today, a woodpecker started pecking above both our bedroom windows. An omen to say the least. An Internet search revealed this about the woodpecker:

When a Woodpecker totem enters your life,
it indicates that the foundation is there and it is safe to follow through.
It will stimulate new rhythms.
It reflects a wakening of new mental faculties.

You may be so wrapped up in mental and spiritual activities
that you've neglected the physical.
Listen to your body's rhythms and sounds and heed what it is telling you.

The Woodpecker is sacred to Zeus, God of Thunder,
and the oracle of Mars (Ares), God of War.
Shamans can ride the drumbeats of the Woodpecker's rhythm
into another dimension, space and time.

I understand this as a nod from the universe to move forward with the Cytotec.

Our meeting with the midwives was great. We discussed options and ranges of normal and next steps. A bi-manual exam revealed that my cervix is soft, fairly effaced and 1 cm dilated. This means my cervix is favorable to complete the miscarriage and that's not what is holding everything up. My uterus didn't feel like a pre-pregnant uterus nor did it feel like a 9-week uterus. This means I still have stuff to get rid of.

As my one wonderful midwife said, "It's time to shit or get off the pot at this point", which is why I love my midwives so much. And I agree. I'm ready to be stop carrying this energy around.

I'm going to get an ultrasound today so they can measure how much "products of conception" are left inside. The doctor who I went to for my first ultrasound during my actual miscarriage is out of town, so I have to go to a medical clinic which is costing us $300. I'm trying not to pay attention to that part of my process.

Depending on what they tell me there - and they will talk directly to me since my midwife told them that I was also a midwife - I will probably take the Cytotec this evening.

The hope is that the Cytotec will ripen my cervix enough to create the receptors in my uterus to start cramping. It's the cramping part that I am missing, everything else is ready to go.

My other midwife is going to consult with the hospital midwives to see if I should also take another drug, one that is given for abortions, to help speed things up.

So that is where I am at this moment. It may take several rounds, spaced at 12 hours apart, for this to work. If it doesn't, we'll talk about the next steps.

Oh, and regarding the very early possible signs of infection - all seems well at this point.